tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80004632024-03-08T06:30:16.192-08:00Fractured Somehow...my lifes become a wreck of wrecks all crashing into eachother on the journey to becoming perfectly shattered...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger441125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-1106091895127449842016-04-07T14:06:00.001-07:002016-04-07T14:06:38.744-07:00found this here <table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 300px;"><tbody>
<tr><td><img src="http://images.quizfarm.com/1105207153rmi verbal linguistic.jpg" /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 300px;"><tbody>
<tr><td><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 300px;"><tbody>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Verbal/Linguistic</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 100px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">100%</span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Musical/Rhythmic</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 96px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">96%</span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Intrapersonal</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 71px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">71%</span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Visual/Spatial</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 64px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">64%</span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Interpersonal</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 61px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">61%</span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Bodily/Kinesthetic</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 54px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">54%</span></td></tr>
<tr><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">Logical/Mathematical</span></td><td><table bgcolor="#dddddd" border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 32px;"><tbody>
<tr><td></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td><td><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">32%</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 300px;"><tbody>
<tr><td>You scored as <b>Verbal/Linguistic</b>. You have highly developed auditory skills, enjoy reading and writing and telling stories, and are good at getting your point across. You learn best by saying and hearing words. People like you include poets, authors, speakers, attorneys, politicians, lecturers and teachers.<br />
<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<a href="http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=1343">The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences</a><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: xx-small;">created with <a href="http://quizfarm.com/">QuizFarm.com</a></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-51224534284472317732016-04-07T14:05:00.003-07:002016-04-07T14:05:52.595-07:00I haven't been writing enough....Maybe that is my problem. I have no energy. I always find some of that stuff when I sit and write a while. I want to be that girl again that is always up for anything and who can't stand to sit still. I miss her. She wasn't perfect but she was better than this.<br />
<br />
I have a lot to be grateful for at the moment though. I have lost over 100 pounds and going. I am loved by a wonderful guy, who I love back. I am OFF of insulin! No more injections! Things are looking good in a lot of ways. I just want my energy back. I am told it will come and I am trying to have faith in all that I am told.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-79992440491758789482015-09-21T17:30:00.005-07:002015-09-21T17:30:43.632-07:00Disappointment I thought I had reached a point in life that disappointment couldn't really affect me. But I was wrong. I am not going to really go into the ins and outs of it all here, but suffice to say I have a bit of a broken heart. It's going to mend up quick though. I have the support of my family and friends, and an amazingly supportive guy to lean on. I think I just was really caught off guard because things were going so well. It's just a speed bump though. I am changing my life if it kills me. And I've come way too far to turn around now. Who would have imagined 5 years ago I would be sober, smoke-free, on good terms with all my family, and my good REAL friends. I got out of that town. I got away from those people. I ditched all the toxic caustic people that I still love but can never have in my life while they can't see they are drowning. I like where I am at, even if I am super disappointed at the moment. =)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-79781890819808245732015-03-30T16:11:00.003-07:002015-03-30T16:11:57.205-07:00Meh...Added a second med for bipolar. I would like it to work, so I can stop crying for absolutely no reason at all. Also was told by the doc that I need to spend time outside every day. Guess I better get used to lathering on all that sunscreen,Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-54601722781325209962015-03-12T18:19:00.002-07:002015-03-12T18:19:13.253-07:00BipolarApparently I am bipolar with a depressive tendency. So more meds, yay! Or not. But if it helps I guess I will continue taking them. I never see any of the upswings in mood, I only ever see the downswings. But I guess the people around me can see them both. I have been on the meds for a week and a half or so and I don't know if I see any kind of difference yet, but we will see. I just want to feel...right again. I haven't felt right in 5 years. Sad is a mainstay, even if I disguise it as happy. It's not jut about missing the angels I miss either. Though I do miss them more than I ever thought was possible.<br />
<br />
So, fingers crossed the meds bring my real smile back, so I can put my fake one away.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-81426305433261080042015-02-26T19:06:00.000-08:002015-02-26T19:06:02.816-08:00Over it.Been a pretty tumultuous few days for me. had to basically write off someone I considered family and loved like she was my own child. Can't help but wonder how anyone can let themselves become so deluded...so I cut the tie. And it hurt, but it was necessary. I am completely over anyone in my life feeling like they can dictate who and how I care about anyone else, and fabricating ugliness about my family. So bu-bye.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-20502269480061440332015-02-24T16:54:00.003-08:002015-02-24T16:54:43.123-08:00Delusional People...I will never understand how some people can subscribe so full heartily in the notion that the world is stacked against the. How there is always someone else to blame. How they can fabricate circumstances to be so much worse than they really were to garner support from others by painting the picture to be so much darker than it really is. Honesty is so much easier to digest in your own heart than lies and manipulation. Yes, maybe you were wronged, but to bee up the extent of which you were means you are in the wrong too. Seriously, if you can't feel support without punching up the betrayal, maybe your friends aren't as awesome as you claim they are...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-66962301202247612792015-02-19T15:52:00.000-08:002015-02-19T15:52:12.700-08:00BusyBeen much busier lately. Besides watching the kiddo a lot more than I expected to, I have done 2 photo shoots with 2 of my pregnant nieces in the past week and edited a couple hundred photos. Hasn't left much in the way of time for writing, but I am not complaining. If I am creating something beautiful that is really all that matters to me!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-21383143578596207622015-02-10T14:27:00.000-08:002015-02-10T14:27:54.409-08:00Good DayToday has been a really good day. I can't complain at all. The scale is still dropping. I am still writing. Those are the two most important things going on in my life so far. I am living for those 2 things. Those 2 things are what keeps me going. And now that I am watching Pixie, I have less time to dwell on the things that are less important. I like this. A lot.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-10527859139189655402015-02-04T18:01:00.002-08:002015-02-04T18:01:57.084-08:00AnniversariesAnniversaries tend to reflect either a good or a bad thing. And for me the bad things are too many and the good too few. 2 days ago marked 4 years since we lost Mom. and in a couple weeks it will be 5 since we lost Jay. This time of year gets to feeling pretty brutal. But I am trying to keep the sad brushed back and the good pushed forward. The same day that marks 5 since Jay flew, marks 4 of my sobriety and cigarette free. And the next day is my birthday, and my nephews birthday. Both things I want to be able to celebrate with more smiles than tears. And in order to do that I have to dwell on all the good memories and moments that all my angels brought to my life. And those are many. I have been crushed by life in so many ways over the years, but I have also been a lucky lucky girl to have had so many perfect and blissful moments to reflect back on as well. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-30344317508771295562015-01-30T17:33:00.000-08:002015-01-30T17:33:22.337-08:00Old WordsTook a break from writing new things to look through the stacks and stacks of old things I have written, or started writing. Looking back and sometimes my mind astounds me. Where some thoughts spring from is easy to recall when I look at the date I put on the page. But some I forget to date and I struggle to pull up the memory that it spawned from. Sometimes writing even more than pictures and video is a brilliant walk down memory lane.<br />
<br />
Am finding a bunch of drawings too. Makes me really miss sitting quietly in a room with my closest friends each just lost in their own little world of paper and pencil and music.<br />
<br />
I miss far too many things.<br />
<br />
And by things, I mean moments and people...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-66122960913497808522015-01-24T18:13:00.004-08:002015-01-24T18:13:59.064-08:00WritingSubmitted another piece of writing for a contest. So in love with the moments my muse strikes constantly. Writing has always been a haven for me and when it won;t come I am lost. Right now I know exactly were I am, where I have been, and can see clearly where I am going.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-61844506178000336042015-01-23T20:10:00.002-08:002015-01-23T20:10:52.073-08:00Memory LaneSpent the entire afternoon reminiscing with an old friend. Reminded me that even though we were screwing up we made some great memories during those running years. Before things got out of hand and we all got so broken we really did see some stellar moments together. And it sparked the beginning of some really intimate writing in my future, where I lay it all out no secrets all the bright sunny happy laughing times along with all the dark bitter and gritty times. I can't wait. I already started...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-80439888561426430282015-01-22T20:22:00.000-08:002015-01-22T20:22:06.249-08:0075 or More in 2015 Book Challenge<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
I plan on reading like I used to most of my life again this year. I stopped reading much back in my running around acting like an ass days. I started up again shortly after my best friend and Mom died. Then I got Bells Palsy and it messed my eye up and left my right eye a lot weaker than my left so reading for very long got harder. I got discouraged and backed off again. But I am determined to change that because I know that my love for reading and my love for writing go hand in hand and each strengthens my skill in the other. So I challenged myself to get to the 75 book mark in 2015. 3 weeks in and I have finished 4. That would be higher but I didn't get much reading done during my move into the bigger space. That being said; <br />
<br />
Books I plan to read this year:<br />
<br />
This is incomplete, there are others I plan to read, I am only
including the ones I have already.<br />
<br />
The Rivers of London Books by Ben Aaronovitch<br /> The Dark Angels books by Keri Arther<br /> The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell<br /> The Gathering of Faeries series by Maggie Steifvater<br /> Almost everything by Marion Zimmer Bradly <br /> Every Day by David Levithan<br /> The 100 Series by Kass Morgan<br /> Half Bad & Half Wild by Sally Green<br /> The Eragon Books by Christopher Paolini<br /> I Am Number Four Series by Pitticus Lore<br /> The Southern Reach series by Jeff VanDeermeer<br /> The Black Dagger Brotherhood books by JR Ward<br /> The Legend Series by Marie Lu<br /> Raven Cycle & Wolves of Mercy Falls series by Maggie Steifvater<br /> On Such a Full Sea by Chang Rae Lee<br /> Sword of Truth series (Legend of the Seeker) by terry Goodkind<br /> Ash by Melinda Yo<br /> Atlantia by Ally Condie<br /> Balzacs War by Jeff VanDermeer<br /> Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi<br /> Red Rising & Golden Son by Peirce Brown<br /> Origin y Jessica Khoury<br /> The Magicians and the Magician by Lev Grossman<br /> Shiver Trilogy by Maggie Steifvater<br /> Station Eleven by Emily St John Manda<br /> The 5th Wave Series by Rick Yancy<br /> The Other Normals by Ned Vincent<br />
<br />
I also plan to re-read the Outlander books, The Tortall Books by Tamora
Pierce, several Christopher Pike books (and his new books), The Vampire
Diaries books and Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card, Lost souls and Drawing
Blood by Poppy Z Brite and Blood Crazy by Simon Clark.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-76245292531717223812015-01-18T19:16:00.003-08:002015-01-18T19:16:48.575-08:00A Talk on the ShoreFinished that piece inspired by Mom and I. It was only inspired by, not a recollection of events. I submitted the first draft. Afterwards I regretted it a little because there were changes I would have liked to make but I am still happy enough with it.<br />
<br />
Wanna read it?<br />
Here ya go:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://figment.com/books/887943-A-Talk-on-the-Shore" target="_blank">A Talk On The Shore</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-35457638229419441712015-01-17T18:20:00.001-08:002015-01-17T18:20:05.531-08:00CreativityI have been writing for as long as I can remember, but I haven't written as much creatively in the past decade as I wanted to. I am getting back to that now. The piece I am working on right now for submission is tightly connected to my relationship with my Mom. No more fitting way to re-connect with my writing than that I think.<br />
<br />
Been letting my inner Pisces out to play more and more often. The photography helps. I know I am good at it. It makes me happy. And I get better and better with every shoot. I am happy with the direction of my life so much more now that I get to create beautiful and thoughtful things again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-62605659046615162015-01-14T20:28:00.001-08:002015-01-22T20:49:51.123-08:00So much is happening this year...Haven't been by here in a while. Seems like several of my lasts posts start out that way. There is a lot and a little going on in my life right now. The so much part is that I am working towards a major surgery in June. It will change my life and health completely. Making huge changes in my lifestyle in the effort to see that to fruition. Taking a break from school too, while I prepare. That is where the little comes into the picture. With school not happening I have a lot of time on my hands. Maybe taking care of Pixie will help with that. But otherwise it leaves me with a lot of time for working out, reading, and writing, and working on the photography. So many goals fall into your head when you have time to think about things. A lot of change has already come to pass, a lot more is coming.<br />
<br />
Their anniversaries are also just around the corner. Mom's, then Jay's. And Jay's is also my sobriety anniversary. A lot to reflect on I really believe I will be here more often.<br />
<br />
2015 is a big year. Besides the surgery this summer. I will have 3 more great nephews/nieces. A lot to look forward too. Going to definitely try to focus on the positive.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-70542635555544059682014-01-24T01:06:00.000-08:002014-01-24T01:06:01.452-08:00OrderBeen bringing a little order to this place. And by place I mean my life in general. Whether it be filing bills and paperwork or establishing a schedule for all the meds I have had to take on over the past year, I am creating a semblance of order to my life. It is my complete belief that that is what it will take to ever get ahead of this disease I have found myself saddled with. A regimen that properly nourishes my mind, body, soul, and creativity is the only way I can fathom surviving another decade of this place. Where every morning as I finally start to find rest, my heart breaks at the dying of the night.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-22946771448625163182014-01-08T19:16:00.000-08:002014-01-08T19:16:21.458-08:00Can't I get a Rx for that?Went to the doc today to get my prescriptions updated. Feels so odd to even be on them. Gonna be 35 in a couple months and until this last year have never been on any regular medications. Now I am on several. 2 for diabetes, 1 for blood pressure, 1 for my stomach. And yet, the one thing I want; something to help me sleep, gets shot down as unnecessary before I can even completely ask for it. I think true sleep is a necessary thing in every life. And the fact that I haven't had restful recuperative sleep in nearly a year is a problem. But apparently not.<br />
Oh well I guess.<br />
Wouldn't mind a happy pill either, but they don't really make those. Gotta get that wagon rolling on my own.<br />
An inch at a time, I'll get there.<br />
I hope...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-48939244545036182572014-01-06T23:45:00.000-08:002014-01-06T23:45:05.093-08:00So it begins...2013 went out like a weary whisper, and 2014 is beginning as more of a hopeful purr.<br />
<br />
I get all these lofty notions of all I will do and accomplish during my days on Earth, then never muster the motivation to really go after achieving them. I'm capable. I know that. It's my drive that falters. I lost it all those days ago. Those days that have turned into years and have brought little healing to my heart.<br />
<br />
I give a good show though of my smile and laugh to others. But no one still on this Earth knows me so well that they can hear the hollowness of that sound and the emptiness of that grin.<br />
<br />
I chemically altered my brain for too long and my ability to easily find happiness is broken. Now, I get it in little burst of hearing the babies laugh, or seeing someone I love. That never broke, I can love. I think I love even harder than I used to. It's just the true joy that I lost.<br />
<br />
In my deluded effort to try and numb all that hurt I had in me for all those years, I ended up numbing the capacity to feel content and peaceful happiness. I am what happens to former drug users that don't die or continue their addictions. I have the capacity to thrive, but lack the capacity to enjoy that thriving.<br />
<br />
Maybe somewhere, someday that will change. Maybe it's that I am still wrapped up in the throngs of grief that makes life feel like this. I don't know though if that grief will ever ease. Or if I want it too.<br />
<br />
But like I said before, I do look at this year with a little more hope. Medically I am more optimistic, and maybe with any luck that will start a chain reaction from my insides through my brain and to my heart. I might find that bit of me I lost those years ago. I may not. But I choose to hope I still will. And that, in and of itself is reason to think it will.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-57697704072117976522013-11-07T02:05:00.002-08:002014-01-06T23:15:31.676-08:00HopeI haven't written here since a couple months before I moved. I've been here a little over a year now. And so much has happened in my life. Nearly dying seems to be one of the big things. Losing another friend forever when he chose to take his own life, yet another. Losing more family members. Having a serious scare when my sister was attacked yet another. But some good too. I'm finding my muse again. Fought my way back to excelling in school after the health scare and diabetes diagnosis. Have hope that after the new year I will be able to get all aspects of my health in check.<br />
<br />
I'm still a heart broken wreck of a soul, but I still have hope and until I lose that, I will always come out on top of things, I will be coming here more often again. I always feel better after I visit. Till then...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-44459743709839362792012-07-18T23:53:00.001-07:002012-07-18T23:53:30.079-07:00packing is bittersweet.Packing still. Crawled under the bed to pull whatever was under there
out. Found a couple old letters. One to Shurrie, talking about my
relationship with Jay. Another written to Jay but never given to him
about our relationship. My heart is full to the brim with moments I
don't want to forget, and missing him. I truly do not believe I will
ever really get past losing him...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-49352489050852113202012-07-07T00:56:00.001-07:002012-07-07T00:56:29.795-07:00Another wreck to add to the list...If another wreck never touches my life I would still have been touched by too many. My niece was nearly killed the night before last and by the Grace of whoever was up there looking out for her she is still with us. She is going to have scars but she wasn't hurt too bad.<br />
People do stupid things when they drink. I hate alcohol. Or at least I hate the people who let it poison their common sense, and in turn the people around them. Priorities get skewed and people get hurt and there is no excuse for risking a persons life, alcohol or no.<br />
So glad she is still with us, and that no one was hurt. 7 people walked away from something that had the capacity to take all of their lives. Hope it provides the appropriate perspective to the appropriate people. Sadly, though, I truly doubt it will.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-67203262594686997052012-07-04T02:26:00.002-07:002012-07-04T02:26:47.998-07:00=(My financial aid for school got messed up. I am not getting the normal amount. Sorta puts a HUGE kink in my intentions for this term. Wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't having to foot the bill for a move and having to start paying rent. Things always find a way to hit the pothole in the middle of the road and I am really getting tired of it. I won't let it defeat me, but I am not going to act like everything is all peachy keen either. Time to get financially creative, because I am determined to make my life more rewarding and enjoyable...if it kills me!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8000463.post-62073154088434964782012-06-29T23:51:00.001-07:002012-06-30T19:42:09.474-07:00Wore the eff OUT!Feels like all I ever am is tired. And yet there is so much to do. I sure could use a clone or two, just till I get everything caught up...too much to ask?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0