Sunday, November 08, 2009
Monday, October 16, 2006
She is alive...if only a little
Where did the world go while I was away? So much has happened and I couldn't begin to scratch the surface of it all. I fell out and in with people I cared for. I fell out and in and out and into love. I was burned and and found faith in others. Lost faith in myself and found it again beneath the ashes of a burnt bridge. I have tried to wash away the smell of sulfer from my hands but the matches left their mark. I have fucked up, been fucked up, and seen fucked up. And still I breathe. Each breath a little more sweet and a little less expected than the one before.
I stepped away from the man that was ruining me. I allowed myself to do far too many damaging things with/because/inspite of him. And I hit a point when he was screaming at the top of his lungs at me in my car at 5:30 in the morning that I just sighed to myself and internally asked when in the hell I started takin this shit from ANYONE let alone a control freak who is so desperate to believe what he thinks is right is right that he will trash the best fucking thing he could have ever hoped to have. I gave up way too much of myself for him so I stepped....right into the best friendship I have ever had. I am not with anyone now, though I spend 90 % of my time with an amazing man who astounds me mentally, emotionally, and sexually in ways I am still trying to comprehend. Whats the hitch you say? He is broken. He has been screwed over so many ways in his life that I am not sure I will get the door pried open for mare than what he can already give me...friendship...and mind blowing sex....both of which I will take happily, and just quietly hope that somewhere in there I will find a sliver to slip through. That and I am merely a friend to him (which is what I want above all else) and I know the attraction is not there for him like it is with me. I ache to touch him when he is anywhere near me and the sweetest sensation I have ever felt were his lips grazing my neck. I do not know how or why this grew in me as strongly as it has but it did and I have and will continue to tolerate minor little heartbreaks everyday just to breath his air. He's already got my heart, I just want to know what it is to hold his in return.
So there you are a quick update with much more to follow............
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Can you believe it April???? What the hell???
One of the best pics from this weekend, I spent the majority of Saturday at the barn with relatives. Then took 6 teenagers to Wal-Mart to print pictures...one dressed up as a pimp named Shorty and break danced in the aisles....Next Day someone had the bright idea to take them all to both of the local malls............Crazy!! insane and lacking wisdom....I agreed ;) Had fun with them all and we even shoved all their little butts into one photo booth...those are nice pics!