It's been a while. It's hard to say how I am feeling about a lot of things in general because things are so up then down and back again. I have turned a lot of things around in my life and have come a long way from where I was a year ago; quit smoking 9 months ago, got rid of a lot of bad people in my life, started rebuilding a relationship with my father and sisters, started writing again, rebuilt friendships, got going on going to school...all good things. Making plans and implementing them...good things...then I end up in the ER.
It could have been worse, everyone was worried I was having a stroke. Turns out it is Bell's Palsey. It was scary though, and frustrating. It appears that I am getting better, and I can even already close my eye again, something most cases take months to get to and I am already there in a week, but...I can't help but feel like I am due for good things to happen for more than a month at a damn time or a change. It has been such an awful few years...losing Jay, losing, Mom, both in a flash with no chance to brace myself and prepare for it. The wrecks, there have been so many of those....losing an aunt, it just goes on and on.
The grief and depression are viciously debilitating. I hide it well, but I am not okay. I am however, trying to get to a place where I am okay again. I can't help but wonder though, if when I get there is life gonna just smack me senseless again and toss me right back down? I hope this is all worth it. I know I am a fighter, and I know I have a mark yet to leave on this world but, damn if it wouldn't be nice to get there and not be set right back again....
2 comments:
love you. I'm here when you need me. Speaking of, when I go shopping on Tuesday, while you watch Ciera, I want to pick something up to make you a special meal. What would you like? And don't say nothing, I really want to make something, it would make me feel really good. It can be something as easy as taco night again or something like steak and potatoes, or a pot of soup, or something else, let me know. Otherwise I am making roladin and you just have to deal with it. :)
Love you too. I know you are there for me and I appreciate it a lot. You do not have to do that. Either of those things sound great, though since I know I can't stop you. =)I don't even know what that other stuff is. Sorry I just saw this, I gotta get back in the habit of checking it again.
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