Monday, August 30, 2004

Geez this one took you know a lot about me

[Name ]:Jessica
[ Born in ]: Grants Pass, OR
[ Resides in ]: Cottage Grove, OR
[ Good student?]: yeah I was an OK student until I dropped out
[ Eyes ]: blue
[ Hair ]: Right now it is dark brown
[ Shoe size ]: 12

Last time you..
[ Had a nightmare ]: last night
[ Said "I love you" and meant it ] today to K
[ Ate at McDonald's ]: at least a few weeks
[ Dyed your hair ]: couple weeks ago
[ Brushed your hair ]: this morning
[ Washed your hair ]:today
[ Cried ]: Last Thursday
[ Called someone ]: 2 day
[ Smiled ]: 2day,
[ Laughed ]: 2day
[Talked to an ex ]: niegn
[ Smoke? ]: at least 5 years ago I dabbled
[ Do drugs? ]: at least a year ago I dabbled

Do You....
[ Sleep with stuffed animals? ]:Mrs. Kitty
[ Have a dream that keeps coming back?]: yes it involves a teeter-totter running my nieces and nephews and wolves.
[ Play an instrument? ]: baught a guitar, haven’t learned yet, but have worked on that a little recently.
[ Believe there is life on other planets? ]: it would be stuck up to believe we are the one and only, wouldn’t it?
[ Remember your first love? ]: yes
[ Still love him/her? ]: in a different way
[ Read the newspaper? ]: 2day
[ Have any straight friends? ]: of course
[ Consider love a mistake? ]:no
[ Like the taste of alcohol? ]: unless it’s rubbing alcohal it can be made pallettable.
[ Have any secrets? ] of course
[ Have any pets ]: Mrs. Kitty and 10 Siberian Hamsters
[ Talk to strangers who instant message you]: depends on what they say to me
[ Wear hats? ]: not so much
[ Have any piercings? ]: ears only
[ Have any tattoos? ]: yup I do and want more
[ Have an obsession? ]: yes
[ Collect anything? ] tarot decks, sun moon stars, cats,music and DVD’s, BOOKS
[ Have a best friend? ] yup
[ Like your handwriting? ]: I ‘spose
[ Have any bad habits? ]: sure
[ Care about looks? ]: depends what im doin

[ Dress ]: a phrase t-shirt and shorts
[ Mood ]: blech!
[ Make-up ]: not today
[ Music ]: crossfade
[ Taste ]: Dr. Pepper
[ Hair ]: Ponytail
[ Annoyance ]: the cat won’t stay off the keyboard!
[ Smell ]: apple cinnimon candle
[ Thought ]: I think I should start my homework
[ Book ]: Lady of Avalon
[ Fingernail Color ]: flaky pink but about to be redone to metalic blue
[ Refreshment ]: Anything ICY
[ Favorite Celebrity ]:Probably Jake Gyllenhaal

Last Person:
[ You Touched ]: ....Gave Maria a hug goodbye
[ You Talked to ]: Mom
[ You Hugged ]: Maria
[ You Instant messaged ]: Kris
[ You Yelled at ]: Probably one of the kids
[ You Kissed]: Ky

who do u want to...
[ Kill ]: Ex-Bosslady
[ Slap ]: Ex-Bosslady
[ Tickle ]: idk
[ Talk To ]: right now…an attorney maybe?

[Teacher]: that would have been mr. al
[fruit] tomato
[Veggie:] peas
[Radio Station:] NRQ 97.9
[Sport:] to play V-ball or B-ball to watch football

pick one....
[Me or You:] I pick or
[Coke or Pepsi:] Pepsi
[cursive or print:] scribble
[Day or night:] night!
[Jeans or Khakis:] i wear both
[Guys or Girls:] I like men
[Gap or Old Navy:] niether
[Sliver or Gold:] silver
[Lipstick or Lipgloss]:both
[Aim or Phone:] phone
[TV or Computer:] computer…
[Even or Odd:] odd
[Coffee or Hot Chocolate:] hot chocolate, i dont drink coffee
[Lace or Satin:] satin!!
[Jeans or cords:] Jeans
[Sweater or Sweatshirt:] sweatshirt~ hoodie
[Wool or Cotton:] Cotton
[Tshirt or Tanktop:] Tshirt

random shit
[Last Four Digits of Home #:] 0969
[Last Four Digits of Cell #:] 1707
[Last Song Listened To:] cold by crossfade
[Last Movie Watched in Theaters:] The Village and th bourne supremecy
[Last Movie Watched Period:] Shark attack 3 Megaladon! (hey it was 3 am and it just came on)
[Last Person Seen:] mom
[Last Person Who IMed You:] sis
[Last person you IMed:] kris

1 – sis 2
2 - Ex-Bosslady
3 – me

1 – tshirt
2 - underwear
3 - shorts

1 – phone
2 – coaster
3 - pen

1 - have a really nice house
2 – write a successful novel
3 – be happy

1- my nails
2 - Eyes
3 – I am snuggly

1 – I cry in my sleep
2 – I sing in the car
3 – I dance while I clean the kitchen

2 - wales
3 – iceland

1 - Jess
2 - #3
3 – lil vern

x. Slept in your bed: me
x. Saw you cry: lots of people
x. Made you cry: Ex-Bosslady
x. Spent the night with: Mrs. Kitty
x. You shared a drink with: K
x. You went to the movies with: Mom, K and B
x. You went to the mall with: Mom, Sis, K and B
x. Yelled at you: my mom....within the last week but I can’t remember why
x. Sent you an email: B

x. Said "I Love You" and meant it? Every time I say it I mean it
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: just now cuz she scratched the crap out of me
x. Been to New York: no
x. Florida: no
x. California: yes
x. Hawaii: no
x. Mexico: no
x. China: no
x. Canada: no
x. Danced naked: maybe when I was a baby
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yea actually I have
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: no
x. Had an imaginary friend: hasnt everybody?
x. Things you like in a girl/guy: arms and brain
x. Do you have a crush on someone: ya i guess
x. What book are you reading now: lady of avalon
x. Worst feeling in the world: unknowing
x. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: no
x. Future daughter's name: Gwyndylyn Rachelle
x. Future son's name: Micheal
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Mrs. Kitty
x. What's under your bed: storage tubs and cat toys
x. Favorite sport to watch: Football
x. Current Age: 25
x. Siblings: 2 sisters
x. Location: my computer lol (Oregon)
x. College plans: something Creative computing
x. Piercings/tattoos: 1 tatoo ears pierced
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: nope not at the moment

x. Do you do drugs: No
x. Do you drink: not unless it’s a good party
x. What are you most scared of: the unknown
x. What clothes do you sleep in: big comfy tanktop
x. Where do you want to get married: Scottland
x. Who do you really hate: Cathy and Ex-Bosslady
x. Been in love: yes
x. What type automobile do you drive: Hyndai Sonata

x. Do you have a job: well I did until Thursday
x. Do you like being around people: yea people are cool
x. Are you for world peace: sure..once we take over ;P
x. Are you a health freak: nope
x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: yes
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex: no
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really
x. Want someone you don't have right now: ummmm no
x. Are you lonely right now: no maybe tomarrow
x. Ever afraid you'll never get married: nope…it will happen someday
x. Do you want to get married: yeah
x. Do you want kids: of course

x. Room in house: my room
x. Type(s) of music:everything except super heavy metal and hardcore rap
x. Color: blue
x. Perfume or cologne: drakkar
x. Month: december
x. Stone: aquamarine

x. Cried: yes
x. Bought something: ya
x. Gotten sick: no
x. Sang: yes
x. Said "I Love You": yup
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: and I did
x. Met someone new: yeah
x. Moved on: umm not really
x. Talked to someone: Yep
x. Missed someone: yes
x. Hugged someone: yeh
x. Kissed someone: yes
x. Fought with your parents: umm yea

1. Describe the last pair of shoes you wore...birks
2.. Where do you live?Why do you live there? Cottage Grove, b/c I like it here
3. Describe your hair. ..Long dark brown...What reason did you choose your current hairstyle? A wild hair crawled up my ass
4. What is your opinion on bodymodifications(tattoos/piercings/branding/amputation/implants/ect.)? to each their own
5. What are your spiritual beliefs? I believe in God, I just sometimes find it hard to believe in what he does.
6. Do you have any interesting scars? Yeah
8. Are you a sexist and/or racist? No
9. Are you a feminist? no
10. Are you homophobic? no
11. What is your favorite fabric for clothing? cotton
12. Long walks on the beach or dinner and a movie~ all three
13. How many grandparents do you have, and do you know them? 2 living grandmothers, and very well
14. What is your favorite kind of insect? None thanks
15. Do you like carbonation in beverages? sometimes
16. Are you for animal rights or welfare? animal rights, ya, but I value humans over animals. Welfare yeah but with regulation
17. What, if anything, do you wear on your feet when in your home? Bare feet
20. What is your favorite form of art? words
21. Do you prefer sunny daytime or dark nighttime? night
22. Are you a pervert? no
23. What would you do if you lost the lottery? Well umm throw out the ticket…
24. Is blood gross? not really wait yeah yeah it is
25. Are olives gross? the green ones
26. Do you like meat? heck ya
27. What color is the opposite of red? yellow
28. Do you find any of the following sexy; chickens, robots, mouse traps, firemen, fire hydrants, hydras, puppies, missing children, fast food salads, furries, dolls or abdominal surgery? Firemen yeah
30. If you had to kill someone how would you do it? Depends on who I have to kill

BIG BIG Questions of Opinion

Can’t remember who’s blog I found this on so I can’t give them credit, sorry.

The idea is to give your stance on some pretty big topics. Here are my responses:

Abortion: Is murder. Simply put. If it is growing it is alive. It has always baffled me how most of the people who are willing to abort their babies (or support someone else’s desire to abort) freak out if you cut down a tree or kill an animal for food. At least if you are logging or hunting, you are fulfilling a purpose to help yourself survive. By aborting your child, you are simply killing your child. I believe everyone has the right to choose. They have the right to choose to keep their legs closed. They have the right to choose to use birth control. If they are raped I feel like they have the right to choose adoption. I do not think anyone should be awarded the right to murder. How have we as a society placed a higher value on the lives of animals than our own children?

Besides it seems selfish, knowing how many couples out there are desperate for a child of their own.

As firmly as I am against abortion, I do not judge individuals. That is not my job. Someone a whole lot more powerful than me will judge.

Prostitution: If he’s willing to pay and you’re willing to lay, go right ahead. More power to ya, just hope you cover his dick so ya don’t get sick.

Alcohol: Bottoms up. Just don’t drive.

Marijuana: If you wanna view life through a haze of munchies and stinky smoke have at it. But don’t try to push it on me.

Other Drugs: pretty much the same as above, but I feel if you are hurting those around you, to simply get high, you are pretty worthless.

Gay Marriage:
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. This is unchangeable in my mind. But MY mind is not the only mind out there. I have nothing personally against Gay people. I was raised in a home and religion that told me it was not ok. I grew up and made the decision that though it was still not OK for me, didn't mean that it wasn't for other people. So if someone wants to get married or to enter a "union" that's their business, not mine.

Illegal immigrants: That is just it, they are illegal. I understand the desire to come to a wonderful country like the United States, but if we open our doors to everyone who wants to be here,

1) we lose our identity. We already have to press one for English, I mean come on.
2) Our economy crashes
3) We become a minority in our own country

If you want to move here, do it the right way. Checks and balances are in place for a reason. If we let our country be overrun because of empathy and sympathy, we lose all ability to change it in the future.

Smoking: I don’t like it but hey they aren’t my lungs are they

Drunk driving: it’s illegal as it should be.

Cloning: you can’t skip the middle man when it comes to reproduction. Besides individuality is a pretty kick ass thing.

Racism: it goes both ways. I am white and am pre judged all of the time. “Whitey” isn’t the only one who doesn’t always appreciate other races. But that is never brought up is it. I have no problems with other races and cultures, but I have known many who have issues with me. I just think it is important to realize it can be a two way street.

Premarital sex: to each their own

Religion: ditto, I have my faith you have yours. Respect mine and I’ll respect yours.

The War in Iraq: Justifiable. If I were living under a tyrant I would hope someone recognized my need and came in to bring said tyrant down. As far as our men and women in the armed services: Well hell, last I knew we had not instated a draft. They enlisted of their own free will. If they want out now just because we are at war well too bad for them, they should have considered this before they signed up. Sounds callous I know but if you only signed up for the pay, you were only trying to jip my country.

I support our troops and believe they are the bravest of all of us and would be the first to thank them for their service to this country.

Is my President. I voted for him last time and I will vote for him this time. I want a President with a backbone. Who will defend us if we elect Kerry? No one will. President Bush is dedicated to eradicating terrorism. That is the issue that should come first and foremost. Because all other domestic issues won’t mean jack shit if we are overrun by terror.

Bush has conviction. Kerry flip flops all over the place from day to day he shifts his support on every issue.

Downloading music: I do it all the time. I don’t think it hurts anyone. Because if I like the music enough I go out and buy the CD anyway.

Legal Drinking Age:
Eighteen. If you can be sent off to war at 18, you should be able to have a beer before you leave. But at the same time I don’t know how many 18 year olds are wise enough to use alcohol properly. Heck I am 25 and I am not sure if I do.

Porn: If you are over 18, why not maybe you’ll get some pointers.

Suicide: It’s a cop-out. It doesn’t take a strong person to kill themselves. It takes a strong person to go on living when things get rough. And it is a terrible thing to do to those you leave behind.
* * * *

So does anybody still like me? Oh come on I still like you!
My Monchhichi. Mrs. Kitty is winking at you in the background. Posted by Hello

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me...

...from the shopping nightmare that is 2 teenage girls! It has always baffled me how a person would have to look at every piece of clothing on a rack before determining if they like anything at all. Usually what they end up liking is the first thing they ever picked up. This is how I spent my day. Sis, Mom, and I took Sis's 12 and 14 year old girls, B and K to the mall to get school clothes. I now know every square inch of PacSun, Rave, JC Penny, Wet Seal, Hot Topic, and Claires. When we got to Too Limited I skipped out and went down the hall to Waldon Books. Got dad an Anniversary present and an encyclopedia of cats to try and figure out why Mrs Kitty itches so much. ( no fleas to be seen)

But I digress.

2 teenage girls. 1 punk and 1 cheerleader. It was interesting to say the least. I can no longer support the fashion industry. If every person was subject to what I was subject to today they would boycott also.

I am just kidding. But I don't think I wanna go shopping again for a while.

But on the bright side...I got a monchhichi! HeHeHe Hot Topic had monchhichi's. I loved that cartoon and have been looking for one for a long time. You can hardly even find pics of them anywhere. When I was little I had the stuffed animal that could sick a toe in each ear and a finger in it's nose and a thumb in its mouth. Yeah I know it sounds gross but really, it was the coolest one there was. I will publish a picture of mine as soon as I am done.

Still no word on the whole getting fired thing. I requested a copy of my file and was told it would be sent to me. Maybe it will hold some answers. I hope so.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Happy Anniversary Ma & Pa...

Today is Mom and Dad's 34th wedding Anniversary. It is also my best friends 4th wedding anniversary. Congradulations to them both. We spent the day out at the lake. Just my parents, their kids and their kids kids. It was a really nice day to be out there.

I still haven't heard anything in regaurds to why Sis and I were let go from work. I guess the most frustrating part of the whole thing is the not knowing. It had nothing to do with skill and ability because the entire time I was there, 4 plus years, I got glowing reviews. We were both depended upon far more than the rest of the staff. The two of us know that agency inside and out. In some cases we are the only people who know how to perform certain tasks. And we were two of the highest paid employees working there.

Then I find out that after we left, the remaining employees were told they would get more hours and raises if they would commit to staying there for at least 7-8 months. I about cracked up when I found out at least one employee told her no. Some people do still have integrity. I am amazed.
My Nieces at the lake today. It was a perfect day. Sunny but not hot. Mom and Dad were camping and we kids brought them their grandkids for their 34th anniversary. Posted by Hello
My Niece letting her shirt do all the talkin. Sometimes I would like to stamp this on peoples forheads. Posted by Hello

Glad someone noticed ;)

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Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Friday, August 27, 2004


How am I supposed to move on from here? I have never really been in this position. Since before I was out of school I had a job. And I have never had to really look for one. Now I don't know where to start. I guess I will follow the road wherever it goes and deal with the bumps as they come. I just can't be sure I will know how to get past those bumps and if I will be able to chance taking the shortcut through the even more unknown woods.

Can anyone be my tourguide?

Why doesn't this surprise me?

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Well...Isn't that just wonderful

You're Hamlet!

by William Shakespeare

Something is rotten in your state. You don't know whether you would
rather live or die. And you keep speaking (unwittingly) in iambic pentameter. Even with
these setbacks, you have no idea just how awful life can get. With your whole family in
turmoil and your love interest soaked, there isn't exactly room for hope in your world.
No wonder you talk to yourself all the time!

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

n m *&^%$#$%^&*

So I got fired today. No reason given. Just sorry we are letting you go. Oh and Sis too. Both of us at the same time. Refused to give an explaination. Just here is your check, clear out your office. Grow some fu*king balls and tell someone to their face why. But no. Just pansy ass "Oh sorry I can't tell you anything more" Fu*kers. Gave them 150% for 4 years and thats the best I get.

So I just got a new car and have no way to pay for it. Assholes.

Something needs to be broken.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I am just so damn smart

I am, if only for a moment, quite happy. I just took an exam that I was dreading to take. I had been procrastinating on reading the material, so I finally just said screw it and answered all of the questions on gut instinct(well and some self taught know how) and I missed only one question. How blissfully wonderful. I got away without doing my homework. I just love feeling like I shirked someone. Even if I am the only someone I shirked.

Downside is now I have to write a 10 page piece on the oh so generic "something that interests me." That irritates me. If you are being paid to teach me, I want you to tell me what to write about, so I don't have to think about it. I am lazy damnit! Hand me everything. So I think I will write about how much I like specific parameters in homework assignments. That'll teach 'em!

Weirdest thing just happened. I am sitting at my desk at work, typing this, and pause to make a phone call to Sis who went home with the ickies. (Hope you get better soon Sis, I hate suffering down here alone) Anyway I asked if she happened to have an umberella in her office and she wondered why. I said "Gee look outside it's like a monsoon out there." She asked if I sniffed glue after she left. (I think to myself whoa how did she know? (JK) ) It wasn't raining even a little over there. What makes it odd is:

1. We live in Oregon, if it rains anywhere it rains everywhere.

2. She is like a mile away even less than that as a crow flies.

Weird. Anyway now it is sunny and sparkly outside. I better go find a puddle to play in.


Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I Want a 3 Week Christmas Break Too

My mom is a BeeeOtch! She got the new Tim McGraw before me! What a HoSephina! Oh well I guess that means I get it for free since I will steal it long enough to burn it!!! Ha Ha Ha, but I digress.

Sometimes I am not sure if I am coming or going. Or which I prefer. I wonder if I am the only one who gets frustrated as much as I do. B/c How can anyone find this much drama in every day life and not eventually find a better way to live. I think it would be even worse to find out I was normal though, b/c I want to know that my suffering is unique. Yes, I am selfish.

So my co-worker gets to take a 3 week vacation at the height of our busiest season. This wouldn't bother most people who do not work where I work. However, my work is a little different:

1. We have always been told we pretty much cannot take time off during the holidays. Since we are a food pantry and all there is a lot more need during the winter, plus we do Christmas boxes in addition to regular services, so we get SWAMPED at that time of year. So why does she get to take time off when we others do not? How is that OK?

2. We have also always been told that to even ask for 2 weeks off at once was frowned upon and rarely given, let alone 3 weeks straight. Shit I could have taken 4 weeks earlier this year if I would have known that. I am lucky to get approved for a solid week at a time. So why does she?

3. When I am gone nobody covers for me. I get to come back to a heaping stack of crap on my desk and get the luxury of doing it all myself. When she is gone I will have to cover for her, because she is an intake worker and she sees the walk-ins. So her job can't go undone for even a day. Well guess who has to fill her shoes? And do my own job which includes my own much more detailed program of services, data entry of services, volunteer coordinator, and covering reception when the receptionist is out. PLUS tinkering with computers whenever they opt to go kaput. Sis helps with the computers and will more than likely get stuck helping with the intakes but why should our work fall behind to cover hers?

This just seems a bit like twisted torture to me. I love my job. It is close to home, I get to do something I am good at. I help people who need help. All sorts of wonderful things. But it just seems like I am always backpeddling everytime I get a step or two ahead.

I just wish it could be a little less lopsided.


Monday, August 23, 2004

This is the cutest thing ever....It reminds me of niece B. I want one of my very own! Posted by Hello

How I am percieved...

So according to the Dr. Phil How Do Others Perceive You? Quiz

This is how people percieve me:

"The Lively Center of Attention
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. "

So is he right?

I am Shirly Manson, who are you?

Neener Neener Neener!

I love Garbage! That band kicks boookoo bootay. HeeHee had to share:

Which Rock Chick Are You?


So I asked and she said not right now and she doesn't know when. In other words I just got put off again.

God Damnit that pisses me off. If my co-worker gets one and she makes me wait until my next review in February there will be a reckoning like no one will believe in this place.

Pray for my sanity, Please.

Birthday Wishes...Raise?...Diagnosis

Happy Birthday Sister! Have a bunch of fun. (Hey I can wish you fun even if I know you won't have any) I know it is no fun getting older and all, but at least you have a good excuse to get sloshed and dance like a monkey, right? I could tell a few stories about that kind of stuff but I will wait until later to do that to you. After all it is your birthday and I am supposed to be nice, right? Everyone should go to and wish her a happy birthday.

Ok so I am still trying to find the right way to approach bosslady about the raise I was promised almost a year ago. I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and go in and ask, which I intend to do any moment now just as soon as she isn't with somone else. My luck there won't be an opening for the rest of the day. Urggg. Wish me luck on that one OK.

So I am checking out my list of sites like I do every day and I come across this and enter my name and low and behold I am diagnosed:

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Symptoms:thirst for human blood, vertigo, automatic writing, hovering
Cure:paint a black cross on your front door and wait" method="get" style="margin:0px;">Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

Does that mean I am terminal? ;)

Ta for now I gotta get some work done.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I Am Not...





...Bitchy...OK Maybe I am Bitchy












uNdErStAnDiNg MySeLf?!?!?!?

Big Five Word Test Results
Extroversion (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate.
Friendliness (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately good natured, trusting, and helpful.
Orderliness (42%) moderately low which suggests you tend to be unreliable, lazy, careless, and unmotivated.
Emotional Stability (26%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.
Openmindedness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
Take Free Big Five Word Personality Test
personality tests by

I have issues with...
Take Word Association Test

Saturday, August 21, 2004



That is the bestest thing ever. Oregon came back to Oregon! WooHooo! I love rain.

It is Saturday. I should be doing my homework, which right now entails reading an entire book. It is actually a very interesting book too. Characters and Development by Orson Scott Card. Who happens to be one of my favorite authors and the author of the amazing book, Lost Boys. I just can't find it in me to start reading again. I am lazy I guess.

I am the Queen of procrastination. I wait until the last minute to do everything. The odd thing is that when I do procrastinate I do better then when I take my time and do things in advance. I think I perform better under pressure. But that could be wrong also, maybe I am just lucky.

I don't care either way though as long as I keep up my grade percentage to above 96%. If it drops below that I am 1. Wasting my $ and 2. Not writing as well as I know I can. I could care less about the grades I got in other classes, but anything below an A in a creative writing or art class is a spur to a fight with the instructer. I am concieted when it comes to that stuff, not because I think I am the greatest writer around, because I am far from it, but because I give so much of myself to each piece I produce.

OK I am gonna step away from the keyboard and pick up the book. Hopefully, anyway.

Or maybe I'll paint my nails, they really need done.
I want to go here. This is where I should be. The only thing that would make it better is if it were raining. If you know the artist let me know so I can credit them. Thanks! Posted by Hello

Friday, August 20, 2004

Mommy's Home...Fridays...Music

I am glad you are home Mommy. Life isn't right when I can't talk to you whenever I want. When you aren't there is when I always have something I desperately need you to hear me say. Oh by the way K, she doesn't remember your mishap off the top bunk, but hey she is old ;) she forgets things. hee hee. Anyway welcome back.

It's Friday! Friday is good, it means I don't have to wake up to the staticy radio station on my alarm clock. It means I can stay up as late as I want and spend all day tomorrow watching corny B movies on the Sci-fi channel if I want to. It means that work is a glorious 48 hours away, which in turn means my vacation begins a mere week from now. It means I can throw my hair up in a bun and careless if it looks like crap. It means that I can focus on my homework. It means I don't have to focus on my homework.

I like Fridays.

I have found a song that I can listen to again and again, the lyrics reach in and make me listen to them, and the first time I heard the song I felt I knew what the next verse would say before it was sung:

Tool "Sober"

There's a shadow just behind me
Shrouding every step I take
Making every promise empty
Pointing every finger at me
Waiting like a stalking butler
Who upon the finger rests
Murder now, the pattern called "must we"
Just because the son has come
Jesus, wont you fucking whistle?
Something but the past and done
Jesus, wont you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
And why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start this over

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a centre in you
I will chew it up and leave
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down

Mother Mary, won't you whisper?
Something but what's past and done
Mother Mary, won't you whisper?
Something but what's past and done

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over
And why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over
And why?

I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a centre in you
I will chew it up and leave

Trust me Trust me Trust me Trust me Trust me

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start things over
And why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over
And why?
I want it when I want it
I want it when I want it
I want it when I want it
I want it when I want it

I also am very fond of this song by Breaking Benjamin, it feels cathardic, though I don't know why.


Crowded streets all cleared away
One by One
Hollow heroes separate
As they run

You're so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder whileStrong men die


Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try

If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry

You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hands on me one last time

[Chorus x2]
It's alright [x9]

I am a media junkie and force feed my tastes on all whom I can reach, It just feels like the right thing to do.


UUUUGGGGG....Some People!

I can't fathom where some people get off doing some of the things they do. Sister (the other one) went wacky and felt like I should essentially bend over and take whatever she wanted me to take. Co-Worker (subordinate co-worker I might add) decided it was OK to come in early and leave early, which translates to me doing his job even longer than I was supposed to. What happened to asking. Isn't that a common respect thing? To not just assume someone else should be in on deciding what they will be doing?

Maybe I am just pissy. Which I wouldn't doubt, b/c I do get that way, I am not above admitting that. However, in this case I don't think so. You tell me.

Well I suppose I better go back to work lunch is done.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

It is an insane injustice that I cannot have them. I would have them, a nice pair, stashed in my closet, with bows around their necks (yeah bows, bows are good, but only bows I think) . I would have two very lovely choices to choose from, and could put them away if ever my eyes got tired of gazing. Doubtful as that may be.  Posted by Hello

Missing Mommy...Give Me $...Kitty

Mommy I am ready for you to come home from Utah. I miss you!

I am debating asking my boss for a raise. I was promised one last September and told I would receive it at my review in February. February rolled around and I got a glowing review, but was told it was just impossible right now. However, I would definitely get more hours when we move into our new building. We moved into the new building and...Yup you guessed it...No new hours. At what point should I stop accepting promises? I dunno.

Then my sister lost her server access which barred her from the internet and the accounting system. (Did I mention I work with my sister?) So she was getting upset, so I decided not to ask anything today of the bosslady.

I work at a non-profit. We provide services and food boxes to low-income families. So I have no delusions that we are able to pay enormous salaries. But to give promises to your employees and not keep them, well I think that is wrong. Especially when said employee goes out and buys a car and bases her payments on the promise of that raise. I guess that's what I get for counting my chickens before they're hatched.

Oh well. I guess you can't change it if it isn't meant to be. You just have to smile, while the world around you just goes on sucking.


I got up to answer the phone and my cat opted to type a little, so I thought I would leave it, you know her own little voice on the net. She is very opinionated you know. She bitches me out all of the time. You know like how dare you roll over in your sleep and make me fall off of you. Or damn woman would you open up a can of Friskees already! Or let me in the F*$&@*# house, my paws are hot. Oh and here is my favorite: Do you really expect me to drink that water with no ice in it? (as her tail wags sheepishly), But her most common rant is: For the love of God would somebody scratch my ear!

Hee Hee she is just a great big bag of personality.

Ta~ J

Today for a little while, the sister got.... Posted by Hello

Have to share this quote

Found this great quote at from her profile: "
Attention Loved Ones: If any of this rampant honesty hurts your feelings, I promise I will be as concerned for yours as you are for mine. Life is just too damned long to stay polite about it."
Kind of hits the nail on the head doesn't it?

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I have to share this picture of my baby. Isn't she pretty. Mrs. Kitty is my personal ball of fluff. She also happens to be the most snuggly cat known to man. You should love her. Posted by Hello

Pissy...Proud....Hot....& Nostalgic

I am irritated. No I am more than irritated. I am frustrated. No that's not right either. I am irritated, frusterated, and FLAMIN' PISSED. How is it that my webhost thinks that it is NOT highway robbery to try and charge me $150 to renew my domain name insted of the $25 it is supposed to cost, when it was their mistake that made the name go into a hold. Errrrrrrg! So I will wait the bastards out snd in 2 weeks get what I want for only $9.95. Haa Haa on their funky butts!!!!

With the bad comes the good, however, and the upside is I have lots of time to spiff up the page before I re-launch. You know add all the sparkles and shine. Plus I launched this blog. First just for shits and giggles, but now I think I will like this better than the diary I have on my webpage.

You should be jealous of me. I live in an "All-American City." That makes me special doesn't it? I mean doesn't everyone and their Uncle Bubba want to live in Cottage Grove, OR? I suppose it is nice, I really do love this city, but I guess I wonder who sets the standards and who defines American?

I am ready to be done with the hot. I mean I am an Oregonian, I worship rain and clouds, they are my God! This 90+ degree weather just kills me. Urrrgg, I want to find a way to invent outdoor air conditioning, that would be perdy snazzay if you ask me!

Got found by an old friend on the internet the other day. Makes me think about looking for a couple of other people myself. Chatting with her takes me way back. Back to before all of the depressing years. Back when I was a loudmouthed kid, who didn't really know what the term "life sucks" meant. Back to before I cared too much about what other people thought. Just back. I like it. We will get close again I am sure, we have a good start under our belts already.

Welp, gotta snuggle my kitty and do some homework before bed. Then I have to go to work in the morning.....Uck! Ta~

Here I am. Unfortunately since I hate having my picture taken this is one of the few I have were you can see my face. Posted by Hello