Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Ouch...Brainfreeze....warning long entry

Whew Brainfreeze hurts my mellon! Do NOT Drink down a large Rootbeer Freeze from DQ in 5 minutes! No matter how muggy it is. I wish someone would have told me. I fear my brain may never recover.

So I am reading my Blogroll and come across Miss Macy's entry and felt I should share my sober driver story.

So we have a party spot in my sleepy little town (yes we are a bunch of hicks) called Raizer Rd. Besides house party's and a couple other little outdoor venues it's pretty much all there is in Grove. We have a couple little bars but you have to be of age and the time we weren't. This was at least 6 years ago. and I think we were 19-20.

We are: Me, My best friend M, My ex-friend C, my crush at the time (and now more like a brother) B, My older sister E (no not Sissy she wouldn't have been seen with our rag tag team of dweebs. ;) and two other girls that were obviously not too memorable.

So who was the designated driver? Well that would have been E, my older sister whom was the only legal drinker amongst us. How is that for irony?

So the party is at a gravel yard 3-4 miles up this windy dirt rd. We are driving my little Suzuki Swift, which is essentially a Geo Metro. It was a hatchback and the"trunk" was just big enough for my big cooler, which of course was filled with nameless wonders meant to drown our young braincells.

When we arrived the party was already in full swing. Bonfire burnin in the center of a bunch of grimey pickups and cars and someones soundsystem thumping away so loud you couldn't understand what song it was or even what type of music it was. My cousin MM was there being an ass and driving his little honda civic (which he had named HonDoggy) up the 30 ft gravel piles to show off. Poor car. It went to the junkyard shortly thereafter. He was already several rounds into a bottle of whiskey. When he saw me pull out my 5th of BV he promptly snatched it from my hand and started to swig. After his long deep drink he passed it back to me and thanked me, said he needed that. I smiled said sure and watched him walk off. Not wanting to point out to him that he had never removed the cap. It would ruin his moment.

So after I "shared" I decided to down some myself. Half of the 5th in 15 minutes straight with a pepsi chaser. Then I shared a pint of Seagrams 7 with M with Hawaiian Punch chasers. (nice combination to quicken the drunken process). (but it does hasten the peeing process as well, I won't tell that part of the story though ;)

An hour later and the rest of the fifth behind me found me and M running up the gravel piles and butt surfing down them. I was wearing shorts. This proved to have an uncomplimentary effect on my rear. For some gawd awful reason I felt the need to walk up to thee most popular guy in our town whom I had spoken to exactly never and told him "My ass is hamburger!" and walked away before he could say anything back.

He had been talking with E and after I left she said he turned to her and asked if she really wanted to claim her family. She said she didn't but if only he saw her antics in the bathroom after she drinks, he would ask me that question, not her. (I promise to tell those stories sometime real soon)

Yup I was shnuuked. I think I even had a contact high from all the pot smoking going on around the fire. a couple hours later found E proping B and I together to keep each other standing while she went to find everyone else. This lasted for about two breaths before we both fell over and put a lovely dent in my car.

So we all stuff into my tiny car to go home to my tiny apartment. The two no names in the back seat with B and me and E in the front seats and M in the middle being butt raped by the e-brake. But the trip home we added a passenger. Some kid who my cousin had beat up for daring to talk to us. (I can't blame him his parents smoked too much pot and his brain cells were gone before he was born) Anyway we throw the poor kid on top of the now empty cooler and he curls up in the fetal position and passes out.

The trip home was interesting to say the least. Besides the trip up the road there is a 20 minute drive back into town from the lake which is were the road is located. So at the base of the hill I start to hear this wretching sound and suddenly B has his arms around my headrest and is hauling himself up against the back of my seat. Yup the passed out kid is puking all over my back seat. Gross. But I was in a good mood and laughed it off. Not considering that I had to clean it up tomarrow.

About halfway to town M and B decide that they need to puke. OK we pull over. The jackasses get out and sit crosslegged in the middle of the street facing each other and spend 15 minutes dry heaving, but not puking. Again gross.

Finally we get home and munchies ensue, E leaves to go take puking kid to the hospitol, turns out he had alcohal poisening ontop of being beat up. Poor guy. We all crash.

Next day I am the only one NOT hungover. I had made an ass of myself the night before but at least I had not insisted someone put my glasses in the dishwasher. (thats a whole other story). I did however have a sore ass and for some reason blades of grass stuck all over me. That I cannot explain because there was no grass at the party, just butt tenderising gravel.

Boy that story is a hell of a lot funnier when I tell it out loud and in the presence of those who were there. But hey it was fun.

I just noticed I say So... a lot in this entry. Which makes it sound kinda dumb in my opinion, but hey...So what. ;)

*Jessicaism of the day (I couldn't call it J-ism cuz that is basicaly jizzem and hey I ain't goin there OK!) :
I always feel better when my finger and toe nails are perfectly painted a gaudy color. It gives more impact when I flip people off! ;)


miss macy said...

No, I thought the "my ass is hamburger" was still pretty funny. In fact, I really love that comment: re: I'm gonna steal it!!!

Thanks for the story...and yeah, I would have yelled at you guys for puking...ick!

Banilla's Honey said...

I think I should get to tell the eye glasses in the dishwasher story!!!!!!!!

Jessica said...

Ok Sissy that story is all yours and when you tell it I will link you. Give Itty Bitty big kisses for me. I want her to feel better.

Sheilah said...

What a hilarious story! Sounds like a fun night :)

Smiley said...

Back in highschool I was always a DD. I was serious about working out and didn't like the hangover feeling. I would drink but only if no one had to drive.
It seemed like we always got some stragler riding home with us after parties and the worst part was I was sober and never reallized it usually until I started dropping people off.

Rebecca said...

Good times, good times.

What I'd really like to know is, how did you avoid the hangover???