Disappointment

I thought I had reached a point in life that disappointment couldn't really affect me. But I was wrong. I am not going to really go into the ins and outs of it all here, but suffice to say I have a bit of a broken heart. It's going to mend up quick though. I have the support of my family and friends, and an amazingly supportive guy to lean on. I think I just was really caught off guard because things were going so well. It's just a speed bump though. I am changing my life if it kills me. And I've come way too far to turn around now. Who would have imagined 5 years ago I would be sober, smoke-free, on good terms with all my family, and my good REAL friends. I got out of that town. I got away from those people. I ditched all the toxic caustic people that I still love but can never have in my life while they can't see they are drowning. I like where I am at, even if I am super disappointed at the moment. =)

Meh...

Added a second med for bipolar. I would like it to work, so I can stop crying for absolutely no reason at all. Also was told by the doc that I need to spend time outside every day. Guess I better get used to lathering on all that sunscreen,

Bipolar

Apparently I am bipolar with a depressive tendency. So more meds, yay! Or not. But if it helps I guess I will continue taking them. I never see any of the upswings in mood, I only ever see the downswings. But I guess the people around me can see them both. I have been on the meds for a week and a half or so and I don't know if I see any kind of difference yet, but we will see. I just want to feel...right again. I haven't felt right in 5 years. Sad is a mainstay, even if I disguise it as happy. It's not jut about missing the angels I miss either. Though I do miss them more than I ever thought was possible.

So, fingers crossed the meds bring my real smile back, so I can put my fake one away.

Over it.

Been a pretty tumultuous few days for me. had to basically write off someone I considered family and loved like she was my own child. Can't help but wonder how anyone can let themselves become so deluded...so I cut the tie. And it hurt, but it was necessary. I am completely over anyone in my life feeling like they can dictate who and how I care about anyone else, and fabricating ugliness about my family. So bu-bye.

Delusional People...

I will never understand how some people can subscribe so full heartily in the notion that the world is stacked against the. How there is always someone else to blame. How they can fabricate circumstances to be so much worse than they really were to garner support from others by painting the picture to be so much darker than it really is. Honesty is so much easier to digest in your own heart than lies and manipulation. Yes, maybe you were wronged, but to bee up the extent of which you were means you are in the wrong too. Seriously, if you can't feel support without punching up the betrayal, maybe your friends aren't as awesome as you claim they are...