Been waiting to be a great aunt again. Seems really weird to be a great aunt at 32 but I already am one twice. Waiting on our first little lady to arrive though, so I am super excited. My nieces and nephews are easily definable as my entire world. I love them like they are my own. Blows my mind that my oldest niece just turned 21. I feel older by the day. I guess I am older by the day but still, you know what I mean.
I am trying pretty hard to reawaken the happy go lucky always smiling and laughing girl I used to be before all this hurt came along. Yes I am still always smiling and laughing but if you know me at all you will note the smile never gets as far as my eyes and my laugh doesn't come from my soul like it used to. I am still in grief mode. But like I said I am making a grand effort to at least harness that grief and use it to help me move forward, not on, just forward.
A good friend of mine has been a catalyst for that. She managed to persuade me out of the house I have been hiding away in and get out and enjoy simple things. And a weekend stint with my amazing family also fed the need to smile in me. Writing again has been detrimental also.
It makes all the difference to find little things to look forward to again...babies...family....friends....roadtrips to the coast....laughing. True heartfelt laughter is an amazing thing. And though I know I will never laugh again the way I did, the fact that I can laugh again at all really says something. Joy can truly heal better than almost anything. I am pretty sure the only healing power greater is love.