it's ok...i'll still glow

I have been living in the clouds all week. They have settled about the Willamette Valley and tucked us into their chilly blanket. It feels a little like living in heaven except that insted of the peace I envision from heaven, drama abounds inside the haze we are wrapped within.

Work is starting to go in a direction I think is positive. And sissy and I will be working together again. Someone quit today so she gets an even better position than she thought she would get. I found out that someone at work said she hated me and had no reason as we never even really interacted. I am assured that it is more about the position that I hold and the people who like me than who I am personally but it still makes a person wonder what I did to cause someone to feel that way.

I am tired of clinging to the idea of becoming what other people want me to become in order to be accepted. I can't even please myself let alone everyone else so I am begining to take the take it or leave it route. If you want soemthing from me, that is fine and well if it is something I am capable of giving at the moment. If it isn't. Sorry.

I have been disappointed myself when people don't turn out to be what I thought but I don't have any intention of holding it against them and I will be damned if I will shed anymore tears for people being disapointed in me. Or not liking me. Or being jealous of whatever. It's all a bunch of BS and no one should waste their time over it. Our hearts aren't meant to break over pettiness. I have had so many little heartbreaks in my life because of my own faults that I can't let it happen anymore over what other people "think" are my faults.

Done rambling incoherently.

I am totally feeling this song by Katy Rose right now. It's called Glow and I highly recommend it.

You can close you're eyes and tell me
That you are a visionary
And maybe you're a little scarey
But you take my breath away
When you say you'l always be there
It paints such a lovely picture
But no matter how you frame it
It's still pornography

Nobody seems to hear
Till I scream and shout
Evan if you tie me down
And you blow my candle out
I'll still glow
I'll still glow
I'll be the perfict someone
that you'll never know
I'll still glow

I see this girl with so much anger
Pacified by holding starngers
Making peace with all her danger
By looking in the mirror
The pureness in my name is gone now
You've taken it too far but somehow
I'll lick my wounds and take the last bow
And hold my cold left hand
There's so many things
That you rant about
The only thing I know for sure

If you blow my candle out
I'll still glow
I'll still glow
I'll be the perfect someone
That you'll never know
I'll still glow

I'll still glow
I'll still glow
I'll be the pertfect someone
That you'll- that you'll never know
I'll still glow
I'll still glow
I'll be the perfect someone that you'll never know
I'll still glow