Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Beer Bong Practice

Did I mention there isn't a lot to do around here? Well our main passtime in the years between my 17th and 22nd years was small drinking parties with our core groups of friends. At the time this took place I lived with my older sister E and my best friend M in a little 2 bedroom apartment, above a local salon. I shared a room with M and my sister shared a room with her two little girls. Half of the time we all slept in the living room anyway on a big bunch of blankets we spred over the floor so thick it was like a mattress of its own. Anyway our apartment became the group hangout because most everyone else still lived at home.

We hadn't lived there but for maybe two weeks when we decided to have a housewarming party. I had mentioned to M that I planned to make a beer bong (some people call these beer funnels) for the party because I hate the taste of beer and found that beer bonging was the only way I could stand to drink the stuff. (since it is down the gullet before you can taste it) Anyway M had never done this before and said she wanted to practice so she didn't look stupid when she tried it at the party.

So I went and bought a big funnel and tube at the auto parts store, and then we went and bought everything alse for the party. (i.e. BEER and more BEER) And when E and I get back M is standing there with a 3 liter of Black Cherry Soda pop. I wasn't sure what she was thinking so I told her no I had Sprite to pour through the tube to take away the rubbery taste. She laughed and said no she bought the soda to practice with. (I think in my head, eww, beer bonging black cherry pop...ick) I said OK if thats what you wanna do, but noted that Black Cherry pop is extra fizzy, she looked at me as if she had no clue what I meant, so I just shook my head and went about making the bong.

So I get it make and de-rubber tasted and show M how it is done, I did it with a beer mind you. Also while I was putting the bong together she was standing there drinking a big glass of milk. So I hand it to her and she demonstrates how it is done, sans any liquid. I tell her it looks like she has it and I help her to load the funnel up with the soda, I tell her that I will help her and lift the funnel up so she can concentrate on swallowing. She says OK. She gets down a couple gulps and then I am suddenly covered with Sadoa pop. Bright red soda pop. I looked like someone had murdered me especially since I was wearing a white top. Of course E was standing there also trying to help and she got soaked as well. So this continues over about 15 minutes until the bottle was empty. She got a little more down each time, but the kitchen and E and myself were covered with sticky black cherry pop everytime she couldn't get it all down. Somehow she managed to avoid getting a single drop on herself.

So we clean up the kitchen and E sprints for the first shower and M says she is feeling quesy and goes to lay on the couch. I decide to wait for my turn in the shower in my room, so I could at least take off my sticky clothes. I strip the clothes off and climb under the covers cuz it's cold and start to doze. A few minutes later I am laying in bed and this is what I hear, (Oh the bathroom is across the hall from my bedroom)

The bathroom door slams open and I hear the following:

E: Hey I am in the shower!

M: Blauauugh (puking sounds)

E: Eeeew!

M: Blauauugh

E: Are you OK?

M: Eeeew...

E: Oh my...

M: Heh Heh, Jess come see this!

So I grab my robe and go into the bathroom, E is hanging half in and half out of the shower with a disgusted look on her face and there is red throw-up cherry pop everywhere. M is still kneeling in front of the toilet, still without any red on her, looking into the basin, which was also practically pristine. E chimes in and says she had her whole head in there and somehow it still ended up everywhere but in the toilet or on her. M just sat there laughing, until we told her that, unlike the kitchen, her happy ass was cleaning this mess on her own.

Later that night when everyone showed up and I broke out the beer bong, M wouldn't come anywhere near it. When we moved out of the apartment we still found splashes of red in places that seemed way out of place, like the hallway cieling or behind the closet door.

Don't think she's looked at a beer bong the same way since. Good Times. ;)

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