So I spent the day with these people, more as a spectator than a participant in their posturing and playacting which is what I consider it. It seemed a little like an animal planet show, like 15 people competing to be the alpha male and females of the pack. Made me want to leave all day.
Of course I don't share these strong opinions with my family because they are separate from it (i.e. not guilty of these behaviors) and want to think the best of everyone. I do too, I just can't find any evidence to the contrary. I love all of my extended family, I just don't think they have invested as much in their dying mother as they should have.
I could never abandon my mother and father in such circumstances. If I didn't live close I would be on the phone to the every day and with them physically as much as possible. My sisters and I wouldn't fight over who makes decisions, we would make them together. We three are very close though many wouldn't know it. I list both of them as my best friends, and I like to think they do as well. Our parents would never know what is like to be without us, even for a day.
I suppose it is unfair of me to say they abandoned gramma, but I am still in that angry stage. I am mad at myself too, but I have yet to admit to myself why.
I am in that weird spot where I go from moment to moment forgetting and remembering the severity of the situation. Defense mechanism? Maybe. I think it is just safer for me to remain numb.